Thankful Thursday

This week I am thankful for:

1) Hugs. Those who know me well will probably laugh at this because I am generally not a hugger. There's that whole problem of my personal space and someone else being in it. I don't get the heeby-jeebies about hugging or anything...it's just not something I usually initiate and will almost always end it quickly. But a hug can really say so much when you don't have words...when words just aren't enough. Yesterday, Shawn and I attended a funeral that was held far too soon. In the span of about 4 hours, I gave and received dozens of rib-crushing hugs. I'm not talking about the one-armed, sideways hug. I'm talking about full-body, squeeze-the-breath-out-of-you, two arms around you hugs. Hugs that said, "We miss you." Hugs that said, "We love you." Hugs that said, "We're still friends even though now you live far away." And after an emotionally draining yet uplifting and hope-filled celebration of life, I went and picked up my little boy. And hugged him just a little too tight.

2) Oreo Blizzards. Can I get an amen for comfort food? On the way home last night, we were coming up on a Dairy Queen and Shawn asked me if I wanted a Blizzard. Without hesitation, I gave a firm and confident, "Yes." I didn't give a single thought to our weight loss plan. And I ate every glorious bite.

3) Resurrection. Because I believe in it. Because it means separation is only temporary. Because it gives me hope and peace and joy everlasting.

Many of the people who read this blog have been praying for Allison. Allison is the daughter of a friend of ours who was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer in the summer of 2009. I remember when it was because it was right around the time I found out I was pregnant with Sam. I felt guilty and somewhat unworthy of our good news when they were faced with such horror. I didn't want to share our news with them because...well, you know. But someone else had already spilled the beans, and in the face of such fear and sorrow, Allison's dad was genuinely happy for us. I remember his heartfelt congratulations that he shared when we went to visit them in the hospital.

Allison went to sleep today frail, fragile and sick. But she woke up in the arms of Jesus. Her fight is over.

I know I should probably write something about how God always has a plan and His ways are not our ways. A better Christian would probably write that post. I should probably talk about how Allison is in a better place. That's what a better Christian would say. I should probably be rejoicing that while Allison lost her battle with cancer, she won so much more. A better Christian would focus on that.

But frankly I just don't want to write any of those things. Because it's just not fair.

It's not fair that a little girl who was so vibrant and full of life and laughter will never get to fulfill her dreams. It's not fair that a father will never get to walk his little girl down the aisle. It's not fair that her mother will never get to see her lovingly hold her own child.

I'm sad—sad that we live in a world where things like pediatric oncology centers and child-sized coffins exist.

I feel guilty—guilty that while I'm planning a birthday party, my friends are planning a funeral. While Shawn and I will be surrounded by loved ones celebrating a year of precious firsts...first smiles, first laughs, first waves, first kisses...our friends will be surrounded by loved ones grieving.

And I'm afraid—afraid because my friends did everything right. They loved their daughter and nurtured her and understood how precious she was and they. Still. Lost. Her. And here Shawn and I are, desperately trying to do everything right for Sam. To raise him to be a strong man. To teach him about the Lord. To make sure he eats right and sleeps right and gets enough hugs and kisses. And sometimes that all just doesn't matter. Sometimes we don't control the situation.

And I guess that's what it all goes back to with me.

CONTROL

I want to control everything and I don't. I don't want bad things to happen to people that I know and care about but sometimes they do. I don't want to imagine the pain and grief my friends are experiencing but they are living it.

So while I truly, in my heart of hearts, believe that Allison looked up at the gates of Heaven and she ran...yes RAN...through them, it's hard to rejoice in that right now. I honestly believe that she walked right up to Jesus and said, "Hey, let me show you this cool karate move I can do", but I'm just having a hard time focusing on that today. I think right now she's scoring the winning goal in a celestial soccer game. She is probably going to make all the saints laugh with a silly joke just like she used to do when she would come visit her dad at work. I truly believe that some good can come of this, but I just can't see that today.

Maybe tomorrow I'll be a better Christian.

Thankful Thursday

This week I am thankful for:



1) My co-worker, Amanda. Seriously, this girl is AWESOME! She randomly brings me coffee in to work if she stops to get one for herself. She bakes birthday cakes for the clinic employees. She sends people cards just to brighten their day. She decorates our pharmacy window with holiday stickers. She does silly things like hide fake spiders where unsuspecting nurses will find them. She has not only been a fabulous co-worker, she has also become a good friend.

2) A husband who helps out at home and has a similar work schedule to mine. About every six weeks, Shawn has to spend a week working late shift and he doesn't get home until after Sam is in the bed. It makes me realize and appreciate how much easier it is on the nights that he is at home. I know there are lots of couples out there where one parent works second or third shift all the time, and I really wonder how they make it work. Not only do I miss Shawn being around, I can really tell that Sam misses him too. And I can't even imagine being a single parent!

3) Sunshine! Shawn commented last weekend that I seemed happier, and I told him it was because of the later days and nice weather. He suggested that if a little light makes me that happy I should lie in a tanning bed every now and then during the winter. I argued that it would just be so much nicer (and healthier) to take a tropical hiatus every winter and call it a mental health expense.

Love The Sun...Not The Grass

We were so excited to see the sunny weather return this weekend! Shawn has been having a fit to mow the grass, and Sam and I have been having a fit to...well...play in the yard. I thought my biggest concern would be keeping Sam from eating the grass. No worries about that. He tried to touch it as little as possible.

Even though he's smiling, you can see he's holding his right foot up so it doesn't touch the ground.

Seems like that would take a great deal of balance and coordination. Apparently it's also pretty funny.

This is the face he made every time the wind would blow.

Even when you're busy hauling stuff, it's important to know who you're cheering for.

This is what I saw about every 5 feet or so. We'd ride along a little, then I'd have to turn around and say, "Sam, sit on your BOTTOM!" It's a work in progress.

Dear Sam,

Today you are 11 months old. I'm sure your dad will roll his eyes when he reads this, but I get a little teary-eyed when I think that after this month I will probably no longer refer to your age in months. After this month, you will be a one-year-old. Oh, sure...for a couple of months, I will probably hang on to it and say, "He's 13 months" or "He's almost 15 months" but all too soon I will lose track, and you will simply be "One." I'm so proud of the little boy you are becoming, but it makes me a little sad to see my baby changing so quickly. Some nights I feel like I shouldn't even go to sleep because when I wake up, you will have packed your things and moved off to college.

This month, you learned how to throw a temper tantrum. Honestly, it is impressive to see how quickly you can turn it on when I tell you that you cannot, in fact, eat that dust bunny. Or pour your juice in the floor. Or put that used diaper wipe in your mouth. Or play in the fireplace. Seriously, dude, did you have any idea that your mother was going to be so UNREASONABLE about things?!

It is getting more and more difficult to change your diapers. Not only do you try to crawl away before I can get the job finished, but on those rare occasions that I can actually get you to lie on your back for more than 30 seconds, you are busy trying to check your manhood to make sure it hasn't fallen off or anything. I continually reassure you that no man in the history of the world has lost one without some assistance, but you are nothing if you are not thorough. As soon as I get your diaper off, you do your Man Check, then you're off! And suddenly we're like those calf roping competitions at the rodeo. But instead of a cowboy it's me. And instead of a calf, it's a naked butt. And instead of a rope, it's a Pampers Cruisers diaper.

You are still so in love with the dog and the cats. I thought maybe it was just ours because they're always around, but you recognize other dogs and smile your big Sam Smile when you see them. A couple of weeks ago, we dropped Maddie off to get a haircut, and the groomer's dog was milling around in the lobby. As soon as you saw her, you started bouncing and yelling at her. It's funny to hear you talk to the cats. You squeal this super-duper high-pitched squeal whenever you see them. At first I thought it was just excitement, but you only do it to the cats...not the dog...and now I think you might be trying to meow at them.

Your favorite word has become "dada." You talk about dada all day. When you're playing, it's dada. When you're splashing in the bath tub, it's dada. When you're eating, it's dada. But when you're crying and upset about something, it's "Maaaah mah!" I'm not entirely sure that you really mean Mommy or Daddy when you say these things, but Daddy is convinced that you know he's the fun one.

Feeding you has become a bit more difficult now. Not only are you starting to have opinions about what you eat, you are so willing to share! If I give you something that you don't like, you shake your head at me. If I try to give it to you again, you will usually obediently open your mouth, then spit the food right back out at me. I can always tell when you're getting full because you start dropping your food in the floor...then you lean over the arm of your highchair to see who will come lurking around to clean up after you. Maddie especially likes it when we feed you ham, but she's really not too picky about her Hoovering.

Sam, how in the world did we get blessed with you? You have brought more joy and laughter to our home than I ever thought possible. Sometimes I ask your dad if he thinks you know how much we love you. He always smiles and says, "Yeah, I think he does" but I still can't tell you enough. I love the way your lips curve up in a slow, sly smile when we're just having a little chat. I love the way you lean into my chest and pat my shoulder when I tell you to love mommy. I love how you pat your chest instead of waving bye-bye. You are such a unique and special kid.

Mommy

Thankful Thursday

This week I am thankful for:

1) Get-togethers with friends. We had an impromptu cookout at our house this weekend, and I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed myself. It was so nice to just sit around the kitchen table with two of my favorite ladies while the guys watched the selection show and the kids ransacked the house played.



(In all actuality, the kids were really well behaved, and they even picked up all of the toys and put them in the toy box before they left. We will have to invite them over on a regular basis so they can teach Sam this little pet trick.)



Our conversations may have changed since we all became parents, but the laughter certainly did not. Looking forward to more time with the girls for Mom play dates for Sam in the future.


2) These two fellers:

Cheering for the Cats can really wear a guy down.

3) That my son has once again decided that sleep is a good thing. New found mobility last week, then a cold and mild ear infection this week have made for some late (and loud) nights at our house. Tonight, he was sitting in my lap when he literally leaned over and fell asleep folded in half.

At 8pm.

Hallelujah.

Thankful Thursday

Yay for Thankful Thursday! I really love this idea. What a great reminder that we ALWAYS have things to be thankful for. And it's almost a list. And you know how much I love lists! So this week, I am thankful for:

1) LISTS! Seriously, I would never get anything done without them. We would never have milk or bread. I would never make phone calls that need to be made or run errands that need to be run, and I would be even more scatter-brained than I am now. I am so glad that at least there is something that can help me be organized less disorganized.

2) A new shade of lipstick. I really like the more natural/nude colors, and I discovered this shade, creamy nude, this week. Lovely.

3) This little plaque. Someone gave me this as a gift before we moved here. I found it in a box in the back of the closet when I was cleaning out some things a couple of weeks ago. The timing was perfect because I actually found it just a few days after I wrote this.

I hung it right beside my bed next to this picture:

Now how can I look at that and not smile?

Naptime

I will admit it:

We have always been blessed with a good sleeper.

I have been reluctant to say this out loud, much less throw it out there for the whole internet to read, lest the Baby Gods decide to punish my prideful boasting. But Sam has really always been a good sleeper. Even in those first few weeks when we couldn't get weight on him, it was because he wanted to sleep too much. He would eat for a few minutes, then drift off. I would tickle his feet, undress him, talk to him, reposition him, and all I could get out of him was a sleepy half-blink.

Shawn says he gets the same response from me if I fall asleep on the couch and he tries to wake me up to go to bed.

Since Sam started sleeping in his room, I have always just laid him down in his crib then left him to sing himself to sleep. But lately, we have discovered mobility. And it's much more fun to crawl around in one's crib than to lie there and go to sleep. So for the past few nights Sam has been cruising around his bed, stopping to pick up his teddy bear and beat him against the mattress, throwing the teddy bear down, pulling up against the side of the bed, chewing on the crib bumper, and generally doing everything he could to NOT go to sleep. We have just tried to wait it out, hoping it was a phase that would pass. We watch him on the monitor and this is what we see:

The picture is grainy, but it's basically a picture of Sam sitting up in his crib...

NOT GOING TO SLEEP.

Sometimes he crawls around until he just wears himself out. This is how I walked in and found him during his nap a few days ago.

WW Update Week 8

Me: 8 pounds lost

Shawn: 13 pounds lost

Pre-Sam pants fitting again. That makes me a very happy girl. AND my blood pressure has been on excellent behavior. That makes me a very, very happy girl.

Is Spring Springing???

You may or may not recall that I planted some bulbs last fall. I was so excited to walk outside a couple of days ago and notice that the first little green shoots are starting to peek out of the ground!

I think it's a little early for my tulips, so maybe this is a March flower peeking it's way out???

Come to think of it, I don't remember planting anything here. We'll just have to see what this is.

This is very exciting!

I hope in a few weeks, this little knoll will be covered in flowers.

Since I'm clearly an expert at growing things now, I told Shawn this might be a good year for us to have that little garden I've always wanted to have. We never really had room for one at our old house, but now we have a big yard that gets lots of sunshine. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: I think I'd like to have a small garden this year. Nothing too big...just a couple of tomato plants and a few other things we like.

Shawn: Ok.

Me: You realize this will require your help, right?

Shawn: Ok.

Me: Because if we're going to do this, we probably need to till the ground soon.

Shawn: Can we use the little cultivator attachment for my weed-eater?

Me: I dunno.

**Stare blankly at each other for a few seconds.**

Maybe I'd better do some Googling before we set out on this little agricultural adventure.

Random Pictures From This Week

This is Sam. Sam discovered the pet gate this week. You'll notice that this particular gate has a pet door within the gate. We bought this gate so we could put the cat food in the basement where Maddie couldn't get to it but the cats could come and go as they please. I caught Sam trying to crawl through the pet door. Crawling through the pet door and tumbling down the stairs is probably Method #9,128.

This is Sam's butt. In this picture, Sam's butt is going back to the pet gate as fast as it can. I wonder how many times over the next few years I will be chasing this little butt saying, "Sam, no!"

This is Annie. Earlier this week, Maddie got a haircut so Annie graciously volunteered to do clean-up duty after Sam ate his lunch. If you look closely, you can see her licking her lips. She was actually eating a little bit of cheese that had fallen to the floor.

This is Maddie's water bowl. Sam is fascinated with it. He has been trying for all he's worth to get to it. He finally made it this week. I had brought him into the bathroom with me and shut the door so I could keep an eye on him. He took advantage of his opportunity to do a little fishing.

This is Sam's cheesin' grin. I love it. I love the way his nose wrinkles. I love the way he flashes his teeth. I love the way he sticks his arms out in front of him and bounces like he's riding a horse when he does it. I love this kid.

Starting next week, I am going to be jumping on the Thankful Thursdays bandwagon. I have seen a couple of other bloggers doing this, and I really like the idea. You can get a feel for it here and here. I'm really excited about this! Be sure and stop back by next Thursday for my debut post.

Toys

Sam has some really nice toys.

He has sports toys...

...and toys that make music...

...and even toys with buttons to push and wheels to spin.

But MOMMY has the best toys!

Mommy has toys that Sam isn't supposed to play with.

And they're just so dat-blamed fun!

Weekend With the Kings

This past weekends was one of those that just screams, "Welcome to Parenthood!" First, Sam finally figured out the whole crawling thing this week. He's been semi-mobile for a couple of weeks now, but Thursday night something just clicked, and suddenly I'm chasing his little butt all over the living room. It's like he realized that there are approximately 4,000,572 ways to injure himself in our house, so he'd better get started on finding a few of them.

Friday night, we had a really fun night. I don't know why, but it's just so fun for me to hang out at our house, order a pizza and play with Sam and his toys.

I'm soaking in these days where he still thinks his dad and I are cool. I know all too soon he'll be all, "Mom can I borrow the car for my date?" and I'll be forced to sit in a corner and rock. Right after I lock him in the basement and refuse to let him out until he's 30 years old.

Saturday, we met up with the Cline Clan for dinner. Why is this significant? Because anytime you have dinner involving 4 adults and 6 children, it's an adventure! As soon as we got to the restaurant, I took Sam to change him, and proceeded to use the world's worst changing station in the smallest handicapped stall. I almost had to swing from a trapeze to get Sam put back together. Then, during dinner Sam decided one diaper change wasn't quite enough so we went back to the bathroom to get rid of a smelly diaper. While we were waiting for the stall, Elli pops in announcing that she needs to use the restroom as well. I told her to just come in the big stall with us so I could keep an eye on her. Once inside, she proceeded to touch every surface in the bathroom, then she came up and put her hands on Sam's face. I couldn't help but laugh afterwards, but I honestly think I had a little bit of a seizure when she did it.

We got home way past Sam's usual bedtime, so Shawn and I expected him to go right to sleep. However, did you know when babies learn a new skill they want to practice it? ALL NIGHT LONG?! We sat and watched our son crawl around on the video monitor for I don't know how long. Every 20 minutes or so, I'd go in and lie him back down and repeat our last little bit of our bedtime routine. But by the time I could get back out to the living room, he'd be up and at 'em again.

At approximately 11pm, Shawn decided we needed to go lower the mattress in his crib. We still had it on the highest setting, and we were afraid that he'd figure out how to stand up in the night. With as tall as he is, he'd be sure to topple right over the top. So I rocked Sam while Shawn worked on his crib. We didn't put the bumper back in because I've always read that if they can stand up they can use the bumper to climb on and get hurt. That's probably Method #4,718. Thirty minutes after putting Sam back down, he's managed to sit facing the crib rail and get his legs stuck between them. So it was back into his room to put the bumper back in.

Then, while Shawn and I were getting ready for bed I looked on the monitor just in time to see a certain little tush go from sitting to standing, and I swear that child looked RIGHT INTO THE CAMERA and laughed.

Lord, help us.