For Auld Lang Syne

I never really understood what that silly song meant. I think it means "days gone by." As I look back over 2009, I can't believe what a difference a year makes. Last year as we rang in 2009, Shawn & I both gladly told 2008 goodbye--it had been a difficult year for us & we were glad to see it go. We were eager for some changes, and boy, did we get them!

Just after the holiday, Shawn started interviewing for a new job. I still can't believe how quickly everything came together. Leaving our home for 5 years was difficult, but it was made easier by the fact that most of the obstacles we expected were simply removed. He quickly found a job that fits his interests & personality in an unbelievable way. After he was set up, it was time for me to start the search. I sent in two resumes & went to one interview. I love my new job (and my new hours), and when I go home in the evenings, I usually feel like I've helped someone that day. It still makes my head spin that we both found jobs that are such a good fit in a time when jobs are simply not available. Somewhere in the middle of all of that, we made our first trip to the SEC tournament (the first of many, according to Shawn) & I celebrated my 30th birthday.

Next, we had to find a house. Amazingly, within a matter of weeks we found a house that was in our price range, we both loved & was almost equidistant between our two jobs. So, early one morning in June, we loaded up our cars with the last of our belongings & all of our critters & said goodbye to Eastern Kentucky. I remember crying as we drove off of our hill for the last time. Leaving our home there meant leaving what had become comfortable, leaving good friends, leaving excellent neighbors, leaving a church we loved, and starting all over.


We closed on the sale of our old house just a couple of months after we moved. Again, we were both amazed & extremely grateful that things were going so smoothly in a time when so many others were struggling financially. As the weeks passed, the stacks of boxes dwindled & we started getting settled in our new home. But we wouldn't have long to catch our breath.

In late August, just a few days before Shawn's birthday, I met him after work for supper...and gave him a UK baby blanket with a card that said, "God's timing is always perfect." I think for a few seconds, he thought I had lost my mind. As the meaning of the gift dawned on him, I had to physically remove his phone from him to prevent him from calling everyone we knew at that very moment. He mananged to wait a full 24 hours before spilling the beans...I think it was a personal record for him.

The next few months passed in a blur of football games, doctors' appointments, sleep (lots & lots of sleep), and worry. The first time we heard our baby's heartbeat, I remember wondering if the fact that mine was racing could make his race, too. As the temperatures dropped, my belly grew (and so did our to-do list). Now, as I look back over 2009, I can't help but wonder what 2010 will bring.

We are facing some uncertain times ahead. My joy over the birth of our baby is mingled with worry & sadness about Mom & her illness. No matter what our future holds, I hope this time next year I'll look back & say that the laughter outweighed the tears, the good memories exceeded the bad, & I'm a better person than I was.

Memories of Christmases Past

It's Christmas time, and for some reason I'm feeling especially nostalgic this year. I've been thinking about Christmas traditions from my childhood & the traditions I want to build with Sam. Here are some of the things I remember:

I remember how we always got to open one Christmas present on Christmas Eve. It was always the Hallmark Christmas ornament my mom got for us every year.

I remember how our Christmas dinners always ended with Neena at the piano & everyone singing Christmas carols. She always wanted to wrap up the session with Amazing Grace. I remember being impressed that she never needed music...she'd played it so many times her fingers just knew the melody.

I remember how it was always a rule that we opened presents one person at a time from youngest to oldest at my grandparents' house. I remember B-Bill always managed to have all of his unwrapped by the time it was his turn, even though he was supposed to go last. I could never catch him doing it, though.

I remember my mom cooking for two days prior to our family Christmas potlucks...she was always afraid there wouldn't be enough food. We always ended up having to put the desserts on the deep freezer just outside of the kitchen because there just wasn't enough room in the kitchen. Despite the fact that I always made fun of her for this, I find myself preparing "just one more thing" whenever we go to a potluck now.

I remember I always felt just a little bit special when I got to play Santa & pass out the presents, but I always tried to act cool about it.

I remember asking Granddaddy Vic to blow in his big bull horn for us every year. He kept it above the fireplace in the garage; when he went out to smoke his pipe we'd always follow him. I don't know what was so funny about that thing, but my brother & I would collapse in giggles when he blew it.

I remember how one year we didn't have any cookies to leave out for Santa, so we left a bowl of chili & some carrot sticks for his reindeer. He left us a note thanking us for the warm bowl of chili on a cold night.

I remember Dee-Doe always used the same box for Uncle Pat's gift every single year. She always told him she couldn't wrap his Christmas present if he didn't return it. Every year, I think the box has surely had it, but the next year it always seems to appear under the tree...tattered & taped but still there.

What are some of your Christmas memories?

We're En Fuego!

We finalized details on our Christmas present this weekend. For the last couple of years, Shawn & I have bought something or done something to the house as a Christmas present rather than buying presents for each other. It's something we both enjoy doing, and it gives us the opportunity to accomplish a fairly large task that we otherwise might not have done.

This year, we decided to convert our wood-burning fireplace to a set of gas logs. I struggled with this a bit because I love the crackle of a wood fire. I love the roar it gives when it's burning at it's highest. And let's be honest--I love to poke in the fire. My pyro-tendencies are not something I try to disguise. All that being said, there is a fair amount of maintenance that comes with a wood-burning fireplace. After using gas logs at a family member's house several times & experiencing the convenience that they offer, I was sold.

This weekend, after weeks of researching, planning & shopping around, we finally got our fireplace up & running. I can only describe it one way: OH. MY. GOODNESS. As soon as we could, I fired that baby up on high & let it run. I finally had to turn it off at Shawn's request when the thermostat in the living room read 79 degrees. I'm seriously considering just moving our bed into the living room until spring.

I'm Growing A Penis

Disclaimer: I cannot claim originality in my title. The best message I received today was from my friend LadyBird. It said, "So, I hear you're growing a penis." I never thought I would hear those words from anyone, but it's true!!!

I would like to proudly introduce Sam. There was never any question about what we'd name our baby if we had a boy. Samuel just seemed to be the perfect name for several reasons.

First, Sam was Shawn's grandfather's name. He passed away when Shawn was just a toddler, and he has few memories of him. He loves hearing stories about the man he was, his likes & dislikes--it makes him feel like he can still be close to him although he never really had a chance to know him.

Second, Sam is the name of a friend of ours from pharmacy school whom we both admire & respect a great deal. Sam is a pastor who decided to go back to school. He stayed in Lexington during the week to attend classes & made the trip back to his hometown twice every week to fulfill his obligations at the church. On top of the rigorous studying that was necessary to complete his education, he also managed to prepare 3 sermons every week & still maintain a respectable grade point average.

Finally, sometime when you have your Bible out, read the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 & 2. Hannah longed for a child. She prayed fervently for a child, pouring out her heart to God & describing in great detail to him her agony over being barren. She even went so far as to promise to give her child back to God if He would just grant her request. As promised, when her son was old enough to wean, she took him to the temple & left him in the care of one of the temple priests. He grew up to be one of the most powerful & influential prophets of his time.

Most of the people who follow this blog know that Shawn & I lost a baby to miscarriage nearly two years ago. I have never felt such heart-wrenching grief in my entire life. For months, I yelled at God. I couldn't believe that He would take away a child from us when we were so happy about our pregnancy. Every day, I went to work & saw mothers that I deemed unfit for whatever reason: maybe they were addicted to drugs or alcohol, they might be less than kind to their children, maybe they were just too young. Every night I would come home & completely unload on God for putting me in that position. I prayed angry prayers, I prayed sad prayers, I prayed desperate prayers where I begged for some sort of reprieve from my grief.

As our hearts began to heal, Shawn & I began asking for another baby. As the months passed, I began to wonder if we'd ever experience the miracle of pregnancy again. I don't know when it happened, but at some point my prayers changed from, "God give us a baby" to "God you know I want a baby, but more than anything I want what you want. Show me what that is & help me to accept it." It seemed that everyone I knew was getting pregnant, and I slowly began to be less jealous & more joyful when a friend shared news of her pregnancy.

God began slowly opening my eyes to some of the lessons He wanted me to learn during our time without children. The story of Hannah began popping up every time I opened my Bible or went to church, and it really spoke to me. It occurred to me that nobody would have even known who Hannah was had she not suffered for all of those years without a child. She would have just been another nameless woman who had a child & raised him. She probably never would have appreciated the wondrous miracle that having a baby is. Once again, God showed me that He sometimes allows us to walk through some really crummy times so we can more fully acknowledge the good times.

While I have no plans of taking this baby to the temple & leaving him, I do plan on doing everything in my power to raise him to love God. Our Sam is a gift, and I think we appreciate him so much more because of what we went through a couple of years ago. I can't wait to meet him & find out what his personality is. I can't wait to see if he's a little private & reserved like me or if he shares everything with everyone like Shawn. (Lord help us if he's a talker!) I can't wait to see the world through his eyes & be amazed by everyday things. Our lives are getting ready to be turned completely upside down, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Dear Baby,

I started really feeling you move last week. I've felt this weird feeling in my gut several times over the last few weeks. I've wondered if it could be you, but it happened so infrequently I wasn't sure.

The first time I thought it could be you was a couple of weeks ago. We were sitting in church, and I felt a little contraction-like feeling in my tummy. It didn't hurt...it was just different. You know how it feels when you're almost asleep & your leg (or some other body part) jerks wildly for no reason? That's what it felt like in my belly. At first I thought maybe it was just breakfast digesting, but then I wondered if it could be you! I must admit--I don't really remember what the rest of the sermon was about. I was too busy concentrating on my stomach & trying to see if you'd move again. You didn't--at least not that I could feel.

I had similar little feelings a few times over the next few weeks, but nothing consistent was happening. But last week was different. I fixed a big mug of hot chocolate to sip on the way to work because it suddenly decided to be winter. I also drank some tea at work. I have been completely caffeine-free since before we even knew about you, so I think the sudden caffeine jolt made you very active. I walked around work in a fog all that day. Every time I'd feel you move, I'd smile & rub my belly. It's like you & I share this private little secret right now & you whisper it to me a few times each day.

This weekend, I woke up & immediately felt you moving. I lay in bed a little longer than usual just so I could be still enough to feel you. I'm so glad you're starting to shake things up! I can't wait until you turn our world upside down & make us wonder what we did with all of our time. This year, Christmas is so much more special because I have already received the best gift...you.

I love you a little more each day,
Mommy

We're Mad About Maddie

This is Maddie. I could probably do an entire blog about her. I know everyone thinks that their child or pet is the smartest, most entertaining in the world. I make no such claims. Not that Maddie isn't smart--sometimes I think she's smarter than us. Her real talent, however, is manipulation. She just knows how to work us.

She's not exactly what I'd call a friendly dog. The people that she loves, she loves in a big way. But there are only a few who are privileged enough to be in Maddie's Elite Circle. Shawn is. Most of the time I am.

Her newest annoying habit is to wake Shawn up at about 4am because she thinks it's time to eat. She usually accomplishes this by standing beside the bed & barking. If that doesn't work, she quickly changes strategy & licks his ears. I should point out that when Shawn's not here, Maddie & I sleep all night. If she tries to wake me up, I tell her no one time, and we go back to sleep.

A few weeks ago, Shawn had one of his insomniac nights. He tossed & turned, unable to go to sleep. After a couple of hours, he finally decided to get up & try a change of scenery. He went to the other bedroom & eventually went to sleep. At her usual time, Maddie asked me for breakfast & I firmly told her it was too early. A short time later, Shawn came into the bedroom saying our dog had just outsmarted us. Instead of getting back on her bed like I thought she had, she had gone searching for him. She found him in the other bedroom & woofed at him until he got up. I sleepily told him he was a sucker.

She has these soulful brown eyes that just rip your soul out. She has a cute little stump tail that immediately starts wagging if you speak to her. She snores. She's grouchy when she's sleepy. She loves to ride in the car. She plops herself in the floor beside me whenever I'm cooking. She's not really crazy about kids. Sometimes she has gas.

In short, I don't really know why we like her, but we do.

My Thanksgiving List

I love lists. I find it impossible to go to the grocery without one. I make lists of the things I need or want to accomplish on my days off. I'm totally sold out to writing down the pros & cons when making a decision. If I'm bored, I make random lists to occupy my time (places I want to go on vacation, favorite foods starting with each letter of the alphabet, you get the idea). I keep a running list (actually it's more like a spreadsheet) of Christmas presents purchased from year to year. Maybe someday I'll even make a list of the reasons I love lists. (Hmmmm....)

I thought it would be appropriate to make a list of the things for which I am thankful this year. A word of warning: this is not your usual list, but it is sincere.

1. I'm thankful for dirty dishes because it means we had plenty to eat.
2. I'm thankful for a noisy house because it means the children are laughing & having a good time.
3. I'm thankful for a crowded living room without enough places to sit because it means I'm surrounded by people I love.
4. I'm thankful for the pile of laundry because it means I have clothes to wear.
5. I'm thankful for student loans because it means that I was permitted to get an education.
6. I'm thankful for a less-than-perfectly-clean house because it means I know the unconditional love & devotion of a pet.
7. I'm thankful that I have to get up early every morning because it means I have a job.
8. I'm thankful for a husband who argues with me because it means we're comfortable enough with each other to disagree & know we're not going anywhere.
9. I'm thankful for friends that I sorely miss because it means the friendships are important enough to last through the miles.

But most of all this year:
I'm thankful that none of my clothes fit & my back aches a little at night because it means that my baby is growing & healthy.

Standard Operating Procedure

So, I decided the pink on pink was a little obnoxious, so I had to find some new colors. I think this look is a little more us. Let me know what you think!

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. This is how they've gone so far: S. meets me at the doctor's office & we wait nervously in the waiting room. We have meaningless conversation while we're waiting to be called back. He pretends he's not nervous while I sit & fidget. He tells me to sit still & I give him the look.

We get called back & the nurse checks my weight, blood pressure & urine. (Too much information?) When we get into the exam room, the nurse brings the Doppler monitor to listen for a heartbeat. She puts the cold goo on my belly & there's a seemingly eternal pause while she moves the wand around to find the baby. Just when I'm thinking, "There's something wrong...there must be something wrong," we hear that beautiful little swooshing sound, and we both start breathing again. I lay back & say a quick prayer of thanks & blink away tears while S. pretends like he wasn't the least bit worried. I know he's just trying to keep me from freaking out, so it's okay that he pretends.

So here's my big question for today: Is this little guy (or girl) going to scare me like this EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE???

Introducing Annie...and her belly

This is Annie. She & her sister Ollie have been a part of the family for a little over two years now. One sunny summer day, we stopped at the grocery to pick up supplies for a cookout. As we were searching for a parking space, I spotted two kittens running under a car. Being the suckers that we are, we caught them & took them home with promises to take them to the Humane Society early the next morning. When we got them home, they were so sick that they went to the vet instead. Our vet told me they were so malnourished & underweight they would likely be put down immediately if we took them to the shelter. I vowed to nurse them back to health & find homes for them myself.

Fast forward two and a half years. **sigh** These guys have hit the lost-pet jackpot. I think Annie's malnourishment problem is under control now. It appears that she got tired in the middle of her bath & had to take a break. She's so cool!

Here goes...

So I'm now officially a blogger. My friend Heather has been prompting me to blog for a while. (I think she's on a secret mission to convert everyone!) I've mulled it around in my mind a bit over the last few months. But, like all things, I had to over-analyze it & obsess about it a little. Okay a lot. I even enlisted the help of some of my more creative friends to come up with a name. (That's not too lame, is it?)

So, anyway, here I am...blogging away. Our family is in store for some big changes, and I thought this would be a great way to keep everyone up to date. I plan on posting pictures, sharing stories from our lives...heck, I may even get a little philosophical every once in a while. You just never know what you'll encounter on Flossie's pharm.