Ten Years And Counting

Today, Shawn and I are celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary. It seems so hard to believe that a full decade ago, I stood in the front of a church and vowed to love, honor and obey the man in front of me. While I have, at times, struggled with the obeying and I haven't always done such a great job of honoring him, I have never once stopped loving him. So much of that day is a blur in my memory, but I will never forget the look on Shawn's face when I came walking down the aisle. In that moment, I thought I could never love him more than I did right then. How wrong I was.

While I wouldn't consider myself an expert on marriage by any means, the last 10 years have taught me a few things. I used to think that love was something you feel. The problem with that is that feelings can come and go. Love is a choice, every single day. Some days are harder to choose to love someone than others. Every day of marriage is not a walk in the park. Some days are hard. Really hard. But even the hardest day with Shawn is better than the best day without him.

I always prided myself on being independent. While I still think of myself that way, Shawn and I are totally one unit. I don't work without him, and he doesn't work without me. Looking back over the years, I can see times when I have supported him and he has carried me. I sometimes treat him worse than I would treat anyone else because I know that no matter what, he's always going to be there.

I have made the statement that we were too young to get married. While I still think we were on the young side and were perhaps a bit naive, marrying Shawn was the best thing I ever did. I can't imagine the last 10 years without him by my side. In a sense, we've grown up together. I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago (thank goodness). Many of the ways that I am a better person are, in large part, due to his influence.

Too often, I let life get in the way of living, and I forget to tell him and show him how much he means to me. So, today, I want to publicly say that he is my best friend. He's the person I can fall apart with when everything is crashing down; he's the person I want to celebrate with when things are great; my days are brighter because he is a part of them.

Happy anniversary, my Shawnie! I can't wait to see what the next 10 years will bring.

Shawn's Sense of Humor

Seriously, does he have this much time on his hands?

Spillman Fling 2010

Every year, the Spillmans invade the Missing Hills campground for a weekend of family, fun, sun and food. My cousin Mylette (who faithfully reads my blog...so SHE'S the one!!!) is largely responsible for the the planning and organization of the weekend, and she always does a great job. I'm impressed every year that you can have so many people in one place, and there's always enough food, always plenty of activities to keep the kids occupied, and so far we've never had any serious injuries. (Although Alex and Elli are just children, so there's still plenty of time...)

Sam just thought it was too stinkin' hot to be sociable.

Shawn and Will--talking about his harem of women. Notice how red his cheeks are.

Uncle Todd, can you take me for just one more ride? PLEASE??!!!

The "Dirls"

I'm pretty sure Drew loves the dirls, too.

Ah...the year of the silly bands. When my cousin Malena called & asked me to buy some and bring them, I thought they were going to give them out as prizes. I didn't know I was going to trade them, so I bought 3 packages. That's 36 of those things!! When the kids started asking to trade, I offered to just give them mine. No, no, no!!! You have to trade!! That's the rules. I'm still finding those things lying around the house.

We gave up on a big group picture with everyone in it this year in lieu of just getting one with all of the kids....because we can still tell them what to do.

Mady's freakishly long toes.

A boat ride at dusk.

I love the lake in the evening. It's so pretty and peaceful.

I Had No Idea...

I thought I was prepared for parenthood. I had read the pregnancy books...even the scary parts. I got my daily emails from the pregnancy websites. I gladly listened to advice whenever anyone willingly offered it. (And it's amazing how willing people are to do that for a pregnant woman.) But I guess some things you just can't prepare yourself for. People told me I'd be tired, I'd love him like crazy, I'd be forgetful and my life would never be the same. But there are plenty of things I've learned in the last 2 months that nobody prepared me for.

I didn't realize:

1. How my sleep habits would change. I've always been a heavy sleeper. Shawn always joked that a train could come through our bedroom in the middle of the night & I'd be none the wiser. Now if Sam so much as sneezes during the night my eyes pop open like a jack-in-the-box. What's strange, though, is it seems to be selective. Maddie can get up in the bed & walk all around me & I am blissfully unaware.

2. That two months after the birth of my son I still wouldn't be able to fit into my old pants. I don't want to wear maternity pants because (a) they're not that flattering and (b) I'm a little bit sick of them, but I'm too cheap to buy new pants. (That, and it's kinda hard to try on said pants while toting a baby around.) So, I have like 2 pairs of work-appropriate pants & I rotate them.

3. How conflicted I'd be. When I was on maternity leave, I couldn't wait for Shawn to get home in the evenings. I loved having that time with Sam, but by the evenings, I was ready for some adult conversation. Shawn would walk through the door and I would meet him with a barrage of words. (And to be brutally honest, I was usually ready for a break from the constant attention that a newborn requires, too.) Now that I'm back at work, though, I find myself wishing I could be sitting at home snuggling my baby all day.

4. How quickly he would change. We had a 4-week old in the clinic yesterday. He was tiny & still curled up in his little ball. I was looking at him thinking, "Was it just a few weeks ago that Sam looked like that?" Just a month later, my long, lean boy stretches his arms and legs like he's trying to make himself grow faster. He smiles and talks all of the time, and I hardly have to support his head anymore.

5. How immune I would become to gross stuff. Yeah...I'll just leave it at that.

6. The instant camaraderie I would have with other moms. I have never been one to strike up a conversation with a stranger. I leave that to Shawn. But when you put two moms together (especially new mothers), they immediately start swapping war stories & battle scars. Suddenly, my favorite subjects to talk about are developmental milestones, feeding and sleeping schedules and the like.

7. How important the words "lift and separate" would become to me.

8. How much more in love with my husband I would be. I love watching Shawn with Sam. I have to admit...he has really surprised me with him. Shawn has never been shy about the fact that he didn't really care for the infant stage. He has always much preferred the toddler stage when you can rough-house & bribe them with toys & candy. (It's also the age at which you can put them up to stuff...) But he has fallen as much in love with Sam as I have. He's eager to feed & change him and has really eased into his role as dad very quickly. Sometimes I catch him gazing at our son with such tenderness in his eyes that my heart just about explodes.

Dear Sam,


I can't believe how you're growing and changing. At two months, you're more alert, and you're starting to smile, coo & goo at us. It's so fun to have our little conversations every night. We sit in the rocker while I tell you about my day. You usually listen intently...putting your two cents worth in here & there with a well placed, "Ah" or "Oh" and sometimes a high-pitched "Hoo." You enjoy playing on your play mat & talking to the toys that hang from the top. You lie there & kick your legs like a frog while you tell them what I'm sure is something very important. You also really like bright lights & sounds. Over the last few days you've discovered the television, and you will sometimes let your eyes drift towards it while you're eating.

You're still not too crazy about baths, although you're starting to tolerate them a little better. We can usually manage to make it to the dry-off stage before you really start screaming. When you're good & mad, you kick your legs & flail your arms, making it almost impossible for me to get you dressed....which only makes you madder because the whole reason you're upset is because you're cold.

You're holding your head up pretty well, although you still get tired & it flops over after a while. But you're not going to be one of those lie-on-your-back babies. You want to be upright all of the time. I think you're going to be sitting up on your own soon out of shear stubborn will. (Now where did you get that?) You're also trying your hardest to roll over, although you REALLY shouldn't be doing that yet. You get on your side & grunt & strain to go the rest of the way, but you just can't figure it out.

I love watching you with your dad. While I worry about everything & second-guess every single decision I make regarding your care, Shawn acts like he's been a parent half of his life. You guys just fit together, and you're already buddies. You get in the recliner together, he snuggles you to his chest, and you grunt, push & root until you're so far under his chin he has to incline his head a little. Looking at you, it's like that spot on his neck was carved out just for you. While you lie there & snooze, you will often smile in your sleep.

Sam, I'm cherishing these days with you. Every time you smile at me, I laugh & blink away tears at the same time. I'm so excited for all of the adventures we're going to have together. You have filled a void in my heart that I didn't even know was there.

I love you more than I thought possible,
Mommy

Miracle Cure

A few months ago, Shawn did a sleep study. He has always had a hard time waking up, and he was increasingly tired...even after a full night's sleep. The study results showed that he had sleep apnea, so he now wears a CPAP mask when he sleeps. Basically, it just forces air into his lungs should he stop breathing during the night.

One of the other symptoms of sleep apnea is snoring. Maddie has always snored very loudly, and we have joked for some time that she needs a CPAP as well. Apparently, she was listening. When Shawn left for work yesterday morning, he didn't hang his mask up like he usually does. I guess Maddie decided there was no sense in it going unused during the day.

Hard Work

We've been trying to make sure Sam has enough belly time. At first, he really didn't like it, but he's starting to get used to the idea now. He still can't hold his head up in that position, but he's doing much better at turning his head from side to side. It must be really hard, though, because it always wears him out.

Yesterday I put him on his belly while I was finishing up getting ready to run out. I could hear him grunting & carrying on, then he suddenly got silent. Worried, I peeked in on him to make sure he wasn't stuck face-down or something like that. This is what I found:

Poor little guy was just tuckered out.

A Day At The Pool

Sam had his first unofficial swimming lesson this weekend. Since he's not too keen on bath time, I didn't really have high hopes for the pool. I have always been a waterbug myself, so I really want him to enjoy the water. When I was a lifeguard & taught swimming lessons, we saw so many young children who were afraid to even put their faces in the water. Swimming lessons, while vitally important in my opinion, were completely traumatic. I want to start him early so he never knows that fear.

Sam, as usual, had a different schedule than me. I said it was swim time. He said it was nap time. But at least he looked good while doing it.

The kids didn't wait for Sam to finish his nap. They were eager to go ahead & test out the water.
Will showed off his sliding skills.


When we finally put Sam in the water, he reacted pretty much the way I expected him to.

Daddy didn't make it any better.

Alex really wanted Sam to swim with him.


He finally stopped crying long enough to get one picture.

The whole gang.

Pushing My Buttons

Corkey really knows how to push my buttons. It's like she knows exactly where I don't want her to sleep, and that's the spot she chooses to nap. The last time I changed our sheets, I made the mistake of leaving the drawer in the armoire open while I put new sheets on the bed. Apparently, it made a perfectly-sized bed for her.


Lately, she's taken to hiding in our closet. I really haven't figured out how she gets up there, but I keep a tote of purses on the top shelf. I reached in there to grab one a few days ago & got a handful of Corkey instead.



Corkey also has this innate ability to pick out the person who likes cats the least, and that's the person she wants to be friends with. Unless you know Shawn's stepdad, this picture probably won't mean much, but he really dislikes cats. That didn't deter our girl. What's really ironic is she's not that friendly of a cat. It's not like she just jumps in anyone's lap. It's a good thing Robert has a good sense of humor.

Sunshine Shots

Maddie loves those breezy, sunny days when the grass is freshly mowed. She loves to get outside & roll around. I love that she still enjoys playing outside.

What is it about cats & sun spots? Annie found this spot in our kitchen last week. She napped like that for the longest time.

Talkin' To The Guys

Sam is really getting a lot more alert. Within the last week, he has started cooing & gurgling at us. It's really fun to talk to him & listen to him respond. He enjoys his play mat and will lay there & talk to his guys.


Today I put him in his crib for a nap & turned his mobile on. He hasn't payed much attention to it before now, but today he immediately zoned in on it & started jabbering up a storm. I left the room because I didn't think he'd go to sleep with me standing there, but I watched & listened to him on the video monitor absolutely cracking up. It was the sweetest sound! I'm not sure what they were discussing, but it was clearly very important.


When he & his guys are all talked out, this is the look I get if I don't pick him up fast enough to suit him. He will fuss a little until I get within sight, but as soon as he sees me, he just shoots the stink eye. Shawn says he inherited his dirty-look-giving from me. No comment...

Lovin' My Locks

A couple of years ago, my cousin donated her hair to Locks of Love. She was only 6 or 7 years old at the time. It made me think that if a child can do something so simple to help other people, maybe I should, too. My hair grows fairly quickly, so I thought I'd grow it out & donate it. I don't really like having super-long hair, but I didn't really think it would take that long. Like I said...that was nearly two years ago. Long story short (no pun intended), I got my hair cut today. I barely had the requisite 10 inches, but with Little Man waiting not-so-patiently while I shower & dry my hair, I decided we really couldn't wait any longer.

BEFORE

AFTER